


Always

by roguefaerie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Use Their Words, M/M, Samulet (Supernatural), Samulet Fix-It (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguefaerie/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Sam has to figure out what happens next.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 125
Collections: Octobercest 2020!, Shipoween 2020 - The Halloween Ship Exchange!





	Always

**Author's Note:**

  * For [klutzy_girl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/klutzy_girl/gifts).



Sam took the amulet out again. It glinted in the light of the autumn twilight, and he thought about what he could do with it; whether he was ready, or Dean would be. Dean had tried to unceremoniously dump the gift Sam had given him in childhood, and Sam’s heart had been broken that day, but he expected that was the end of it. That was, until the night Dean was sleeping hard enough and the amulet flew in through the motel room window Sam hadn’t even realized was open.

Since that day, Sam had been thinking about how to give it back to Dean, or if he should at all. It was October, and he was hoping that he’d have an answer to his predicament by Dean’s birthday. 

That was his plan so far.

Maybe it would end with Sam giving it to Dean for Christmas again, or maybe shortly before New Years, when Dean turned a new leaf. 

He would know when he felt the bite of winter in the air, he thought, and he made a note to himself that he hadn’t seen Cas around in a while to weigh in one way or the other. Even if he did see the angel, though, he suspected he’d still want to make this decision on his own.

If Dean was going to reject the amulet Sam would hold onto that rejection with his own weight. It was the kind of thing he knew how to do. He was a Winchester, after all, and more specifically John Winchester’s son.

He told himself some things should be left to lie in the dirt (or the trash) where they were placed, but he still held onto hope about the amulet. There was something special about it, after all. It was the one thing Dean had carried with him since they were small, something that meant they were brothers.

Sam would see how things were shaking out by November and try to decide then. He held the amulet tight in his palm until it stung just a little where the horns met his flesh. Soon after the familiar sensation reached his awareness he placed the amulet back where he’d gotten it, for safekeeping. There was time to wait.

* * *

Finally the day of Dean’s birthday came. Sam could have easily let it pass by entirely without doing a damn thing, but the weight of the amulet in his pocket was getting heavier and heavier and a heaviness in his stomach and heart was too. Finally he reached into his pocket and presented the amulet in his palm. And waited.

Dean looked at him briefly, his eyes drawn to the amulet and staying there for much longer. Considering, in his way.

“Dean?” Sam finally asked, tasting his brother’s name with all the meaning it had ever had. “How do you-- I mean--”

“I don’t know. How did you even get this thing?”

“ _It flew in through the window_ ,” Sam said, as quickly as he could. “I don’t even know if I had a choice,” he said, at his normal speed. “It’s here.”

“Can we get past it?”

“Do you want to get past it?”

Dean didn’t directly respond at first. He took the amulet from Sam’s palm, looking toward the pocket it had come from. Then he put it in his own pocket. He didn’t look to Sam for any kind of confirmation, but he had the amulet again now. It was his, and it had always been his. Now he had it, and he could do whatever he needed to with it.

He had the amulet back, and that gave Sam a flicker of hope.

Hope or not, Sam felt himself bracing for whatever came next. His heart was beating fast.

And then Dean looked at him, seemed to really look at him, as if seeing him for the first time in who knew how long. Sam felt like he could see everything about him and Dean softening around the edges, like he could see Dean relaxing and letting go.

“I want…” Dean leaned in, and Sam was so ready, but Dean stopped just short of kissing him at first. “No, Sammy, I need you to know. I need this just as much.” And then, finally, Dean’s lips were on his.

It had been longer than Sam cared to think about since Dean had kissed him, and maybe Sam should want to get past this too but he didn’t want to. He knew he didn’t want to.

He never wanted to break the kiss. So he didn’t. They didn’t. They fell back against the motel bed and Sam let Dean lead. He relished it. Even if maybe he shouldn’t--he still would. He always would.

At first he wasn’t sure what to think. If it weren’t for Dean’s words, direct and sudden, Sam might doubt how much his brother meant this. The kiss and all of it. But Dean’s words had been real and heartfelt. As they settled against each other Sam felt Dean shaking with intensity and he let himself settle into the fact that this was what Dean wanted as much as Sam did. 

The lightest touch against Dean’s skin left him shivering and pushing closer and Sam ached as he thought about how long it had been. He felt Dean’s breath coming fast, sounds coming from both of them that had been locked in their chests for so long. The ache was in Sam’s throat, the pulse of his need. 

Dean pushed against him and buried his face against Sam’s shoulder until Sam sensed wetness. Maybe there were only a few tears, but they were there, and Dean breathed into his shoulder, “Need this. Need this.”

Sam murmured a soft, "Missed you," and Dean cried even harder, hot into Sam's shirts. "But it's okay, Dean. It's okay. We're here now," and Dean turned and kissed him again with even more force than before.

"Don't stop," Sam murmured against Dean's lips.

Neither of them were trying to rush. They took in the feel of each other’s bodies like both of them were parched and waiting, and finally they had what they needed to stop the waiting and end whatever denial there had been this time.

Maybe Dean didn’t have all of the answers, but he had some, and when it counted he could tell Sam what he needed. 

That was fine. It had always been fine.

Sam knew now that they both needed this, and they rocked together, bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces once more after so long, so long.

Sam let Dean let the emotions out and relished every moment as his brother gave himself back to Sam.

Later, they lay in the bed spent and Sam felt like he was nearly floating with relief.

“Thank you,” he said.

Dean didn’t reply at first. But his face was resolute as he caught Sam’s eyes with his. “Sammy,” he said gruffly. “Tell me. Can I wear it?”

Sam let himself settle as he looked into Dean’s eyes. “You don’t need my permission,” he said firmly.

He felt Dean exhale, letting go, letting go, maybe of the last thing. Dean smiled, warm and bright, and settled his hands against Sam again. Sam shivered and let out a noise, shifting closer to Dean. He let Dean kiss him again, and he knew.

“Then I will.”

Relief was blooming so bright in Sam’s chest he felt like all the pain and misery he had felt for eons was melting away in seconds.

“Love you, Dean,” he said. “Always have. Always will.”

“Always,” Dean said, and the "love you too," was in his gaze. Then he got out of bed and pulled the amulet out of the pocket of his jeans and placed it around his neck.


End file.
